Walking on a Tightrope

Walking on a tightrope,
Don’t look down.
Balancing in the middle,
Of a smile and a frown.

Living life in limbo,
For the past year.
Too afraid to leave home,
Too stifling to stay near.

Head above the surface,
Try and get some air.
Some days I am drowning,
Nothing left to share.

Afraid of any changes,
Afraid of staying the same.
Sometimes happy and smiling,
Sometimes full of shame.

And so the drugs pump through me,
Journeying up my vein.
Helping me stay even,
Keeping away the pain.

But sometimes it is boring,
To be so finely tuned.
I miss my days of flying,
I sometimes feel entombed.

I suppose I should be grateful,
They stop me feeling rotten.
Even though I can’t be high,
At least I’m not rock bottom.

So now I must resume,
The journey of my life.
Not look back behind me,
But not forget my strife.

Since everything’s that happened,
Has made me so much stronger.
It’s time to join The Living,
There’s so much left to conquer.

Nap time

Lucy did something she hardly allowed herself to do these days; she had an afternoon nap. And it made her feel so good. If the phone hadn't rung and tugged her out of her sleep, she probably would have continued napping forever.

That's the beauty of nap time. Simple, stolen moments of peace in the day. Unexpected moments of rest, when the brain can wipe itself clean, and you can reboot yourself. Lucy definitely felt better. She started to think maybe she should move to a country where siestas are the way of life....

Spain seems like a great place for a holiday. But she can't go there yet, or anywhere yet. Not with all those plane crash dreams. She would love to go back to Canada, but then there are the bears. Big charging bears with their claws outstretched and their jaws ready to chomp Lucy to pieces. Australia is another place deep in her heart she would love to return to. But is she ready to face G again? Will it be third time lucky or will her whole world shatter around her?

As Lucy lies on top of her quilt of stars and contemplates all these things, the sun is setting outside and creating that beautiful golden glow she loves and craves so much. Seeping through her window and inside the room, bathing herself and all around her. It is the sort of light that makes everything better.

Even the bruises turn to yellow under this sort of light.

She wishes it could stay like that forever, but soon enough, as Lucy knows, night fall will come, and so will the dreams both good and bad. And she will lose herself once more in that space between awake and asleep...forever searching for Him. The One. The one and Only.

Jigsaw Puzzle

Lucy slept through her alarm this morning, she was so deeply in that space. A first deep sleep in a very long time. She couldn't remember what her dream was about. She is starting to forget them more these days.

It wasn't the one with the red parachutes or the plane crash or hugging the ginger haired guy in the parking lot and believing he was completely innocent and he hadn't done that awful thing everyone had said he had done. It wasn't any of those.

OR seeing G in the high school Gym and hoping he'd be picked in her sports team.

It wasn't any of those dreams.........she'd hope to remember one day. That dream.

Scary

Dear G,

Found this image through the MSN website, but it scared me for some reason. I cant quite put my finger on it. Do you have any idea why?

Maybe it's the strange clown like face on the first guy. Like heath Ledger's Joker. that brings shivers down my spine. and not the good kind.

Anyway, Please write back soon, I miss your letters.

Love always,

anka xxx

In Motion

Found this image quite amusing, through the MSN website:

Reminds me of that piece of art work Jennifer Aniston's character is looking at near the beginning of the movie the Break(down)- I mean Break-up.

Geez, break-ups suck don't they! One day you have it all and then the next day he's gone and youre left with a shoebox of enemies. I mean memories. Or both.

It's Ben Stiller btw, dressed up as a character from that 3D movie Avatar which I still haven't been to see, either in asleep or awake mode.

Songs Im listening to at the moment

1. Empty Hearts - Josh Ritter

2.I'm ready - Jacks Mannequin

3. We didn't start the fire - Billy Joel

4. Lucky Boy - Matt Nathanson

5. Unwell - Matchbox 20

6. At my Most Beautiful - R.E.M

7. Lover, you should have come - Jeff Buckley

All songs by male artists....well, what do you know. Hmmm, I wonder what could be on my mind. I wonder and wonder and wonder.....as I wait for sleep to descend and bury me for yet another night..............................................................................

Dog Dreamin'

He said what's your fav. animal

She said i dunno

He said, come on baby, try harder

She thought about it and thought and thought and thought and thought

and he tried and tried to remember

And together they decided LION and DOG

She said what does a lion and dog make crossed together?

He said a chow-chow